Feeling just a bit reminiscent

Lately I feel like I've been in a bit of a blah place when it comes to my weight-loss life.  I feel like I haven't been making any progress (which I am entirely to blame) and I just feel really overwhelmed with the thought of getting from where I am to where I eventually want to be. To get a little bit of perspective, I decided to read through some of my old blog posts.

As I was reading through some of my older posts, I kept going back to my original blog from September of 2008. I would love to say that the Nicole who wrote that post was on her way to losing weight, but honestly, at that point I wasn't.  I think the reason that I kept coming back to this post is because when I wrote it, I really didn't have high expectations for a positive outcome.  Which, it turns out, wasn't so far off the mark.  Not only would it take me over two years to start making any progress on my health and well being, I would also gain an additional 30 pounds. I think I sometimes forget how far I've come. I know that might seem silly but when you lose 100 pounds and still have so far to go it's easy to lose sight of how far you've come. I find that I focus on how much distance is between me and the finish line and completely ignore the distance I've come from the start. I don't want to sound like I'm whining.  Don't get me wrong. I'm ecstatic about the progress I've made, however, sometimes it seems like no matter how far I've come I won't ever make it to that blessed finish line.  Anyway, the point to my tired ramblings and multitude of racing references (it really wasn't planned that way) is that I think sometimes I need to be less critical of myself and really remember what I've accomplished up to this point.  So, this summer I'm going to try to pull out some 'oldie but goodie' blogs to keep things in perspective; and, hopefully get a bit of motivation from my former self.

So, without further ado, here is a glimpse of a much younger, much less healthy Nicole. Enjoy!

321. I’ve heard that half of the battle of overcoming any problem is just to admit that the problem exists. From where I’m sitting, 321 is a major problem. When I first saw 321 I could hardly believe the number that was flashing in front of my eyes. How in the world could I have let things get so out of control that my scale could possibly be reading 321? No, not just 321 but 321.7 (if I’m going to be honest I might as well be honest).

For as long as I can remember I have been the heavy girl. I was overweight when I was in elementary school (my earliest memories of trying to lose weight are from 3rd grade when my sister and I had aspirations of turning our front porch into a makeshift gym) and the weight issue followed me through adolescence and even now into early adulthood it hasn’t subsided. Like most men and women who have struggled with weight issues their entire lives I have made several attempts to lose the excess weight. And, like most people in the same boat as me, I have failed time and time again.

I would love to be able to say that this time is guaranteed to be different. I would love to say that I will not fail, that failure simply is not an option. Unfortunately, it would delusional to make that sort of a claim. Failure is a possibility. It’s not pretty, but there it is. I, however, will be doing everything within my power to make sure that failure is not my outcome this time around. So here it is, I know what I need to do to make myself healthy (my background in exercise science basically mean that I can’t claim ignorance as a defense). I also know what the benefits are to changing my life yet I simply don't do what needs to be done. Why??? It’s simple. Lack of honesty.

For the past 26 years I have been lying to myself. Every time I try to lose weight it's the same damn thing. I tell myself that my current lifestyle isn't so bad. I tell myself that for a heavy person I eat pretty well and I get more physical activity than the average overweight person. I tell myself and others (generally those who are trying to lose weight with me) that I don't have gigantic lifestyle changes to make. Well, I've finally decided that that's BULLSHIT!!! After years of deluding myself I have finally found the nerve to admit that my lifestyle is my problem. Sure, I eat well when I cook, but lets face it, I don't cook all that often. I am ashamed to admit it but I eat out more during a week than I cook in, and it's not like I'm eating healthy take-out foods, no I'm eating crap. McDonald's, pizza, takeout Chinese and Chipotle. What’s worse is that I then go home to my apartment and spend the night watching TV or reading a book, not exactly high energy activities. Basically I have become the stereotypical heavy woman...go me!

Basically it’s this honesty that led me to project.180.gone. A friend and I (who would like to lose a combined weight of 180 pounds) have had the same struggles and have been trying to find a way to finally make the lifestyle changes that will result in healthier lives for the both of us. Although we don’t have any magic answers on how to be 100% successful on this journey we do know that we cannot succeed alone and have therefore started this blog as a way to share our thoughts, successes, set backs and goals with each other and anybody else who chooses to read this blog. If we can help others on our journey it will make the final destination that much more rewarding.